Letters To A Young Poet: Letter Four (by Rainer Maria Rilke )

Letter Four

Worpswede, near Bremen
July 16, 1903

About ten days ago I left Paris, tired and quite sick, and traveled to this great northern plain, whose vastness and silence and sky ought to make me well again. But I arrived during a long period of rain; this is the first day it has begun to let up over the restlessly blowing landscape, and I am taking advantage of this moment of brightness to greet you , dear Sir.

My dear Mr. Kappus: I have left a letter from you unanswered for a long time; not because I had forgotten it - on the contrary: it is the kind that one reads again when one finds it among other letters, and I recognize you in it as if you were very near. It is your letter of May second, and I am sure you remember it. As I read it now, in the great silence of these distances, I am touched by your beautiful anxiety about life, even more than I was in Paris, where everything echoes and fades away differently because of the excessive noise that makes Things tremble. Here, where I am surrounded by an enormous landscape, which the winds move across as they come from the seas, here I feel that there is no one anywhere who can answer for you those questions and feelings which, in their depths, have a life of their own; for even the most articulate people are unable to help, since what words point to is so very delicate, is almost unsayable. But even so, I think that you will not have to remain without a solution if you trust in Things that are like the ones my eyes are now resting upon. If you trust in Nature, in the small Things that hardly anyone sees and that can so suddenly become huge, immeasurable; if you have this love for what is humble and try very simply, as someone who serves, to win the confidence of what seems poor: then everything will become easier for you, more coherent and somehow more reconciling, not in your conscious mind perhaps, which stays behind, astonished, but in your innermost awareness, awakeness, and knowledge. You are so young, so much before all beginning, and I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. Perhaps you do carry within you the possibility of creating and forming, as an especially blessed and pure way of living; train your for that - but take whatever comes, with great trust, and as long as it comes out of your will, out of some need of your innermost self, then take it upon yourself, and don't hate anything. Sex is difficult; yes. But those tasks that have been entrusted to us are difficult; almost everything serious is difficult; and everything is serious. If you just recognize this and manage, out of yourself, out of your own talent and nature, out of your own experience and childhood and strength, to achieve a wholly individual relation to sex (one that is not influenced by convention and custom), then you will no longer have to be afraid of losing yourself and becoming unworthy of your dearest possession.

Bodily delight is a sensory experience, not any different from pure looking or the feeling with which a beautiful fruit fills the tongue; it is a great, an infinite learning that is given to us, a knowledge of the world, the fullness and the splendor of all knowledge. And it is not our acceptance of it that is bad; what is bad is that most people misuse this learning and squander it and apply it as a stimulant on the tired places of their lives and as a distraction rather than as a way of gathering themselves for their highest moments. People have even made eating into something else: necessity on the one hand, excess on the other; have muddied the clarity of this need, and all the deep, simple needs in which life renews itself have become just as muddy. But the individual can make them clear for himself and live them clearly (not the individual who is dependent, but the solitary man). He can remember that all beauty in animals and plants is a silent, enduring form of love and yearning, and he can see the animal, as he sees plants, patiently and willingly uniting and multiplying and growing, not out of physical pleasure, not out of physical pain, but bowing to necessities that are greater than pleasure and pain, and more powerful than will and withstanding. If only human beings could more humbly receive this mystery - which the world is filled with, even in its smallest Things -, could bear it, endure it, more solemnly, feel how terribly heavy it is, instead of taking it lightly. If only they could be more reverent toward their own fruitfulness, which is essentially one, whether it is manifested as mental or physical; for mental creation too arises from the physical, is of one nature with it and only like a softer, more enraptured and more eternal repetition of bodily delight. "The thought of being a creator, of engendering, of shaping" is nothing without the continuous great confirmation and embodiment in the world, nothing without the thousandfold assent from Things and animals - and our enjoyment of it is so indescribably beautiful and rich only because it is full of inherited memories of the engendering and birthing of millions. In one creative thought a thousand forgotten nights of love come to life again and fill it with majesty and exaltation. And those who come together in the nights and are entwined in rocking delight perform a solemn task and gather sweetness, depth, and strength for the song of some future poets, who will appear in order to say ecstasies that are unsayable. And they call forth the future; and even if they have made a mistake and embrace blindly, the future comes anyway, a new human being arises, and on the foundation of the accident that seems to be accomplished here, there awakens the law by which a strong, determined seed forces its way through to the egg cell that openly advances to meet it. Don't be confused by surfaces; in the depths everything becomes law. And those who live the mystery falsely and badly (and they are very many) lose it only for themselves and nevertheless pass it on like a sealed letter, without knowing it. And don't be puzzled by how many names there are and how complex each life seems. Perhaps above them all there is a great motherhood, in the form of a communal yearning. The beauty of the girl, a being who (as you so beautifully say) "has not yet achieved anything," is motherhood that has a presentiment of itself and begins to prepare, becomes anxious, yearns. And the mother's beauty is motherhood that serves, and in the old woman there is a great remembering. And in the man too there is motherhood, it seems to me, physical and mental; his engendering is also a kind of birthing, and it is birthing when he creates out of his innermost fullness. And perhaps the sexes are more akin than people think, and the great renewal of the world will perhaps consist in one phenomenon: that man and woman, freed from all mistaken feelings and aversions, will seek each other not as opposites but as brother and sister, as neighbors, and will unite as human beings, in order to bear incommon, simply, earnestly, and patiently, the heavy sex that has been laid upon them.

But everything that may someday be possible for many people, the solitary man can now, already, prepare and build with his own hands, which make fewer mistakes. Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. for those who are near you are far away, you write, and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast. And if what is near you is far away, then your vastness is already among the stars and is very great; be happy about your growth, in which of course you can't take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don't torment them with your doubts and don't frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn't be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn't necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust. Avoid providing material for the drama that is always stretched tight between parents and children; it uses up much of the children's strength and wastes the love of the elders, which acts and warms even if it doesn't comprehend. Don't ask for any advice from them and don't expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like and inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.

It is good that you will soon be entering a profession that will make you independent and will put you completely on your own, in every sense. Wait patiently to see whether your innermost life feels hemmed in by the form this profession imposes. I myself consider it a very difficult and very exacting one, since it is burdened with enormous conventions and leaves very little room for a personal interpretation of its duties. but your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths. All my good wishes are ready to accompany you, and my faith is with you.

Yours,
Rainer Maria Rilke

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(from "Letters To A Young Poet," written by Rainer Maria Rilke, translated by Stephen Mitchell)

Online Source: 1 & 2

死亡，你不要驕傲—悼佛洛斯特（余光中）

作者：余光中
出處：1963-02-02/聯合報/聯合副刊

六十年代剛開始，死亡便有好幾次豐收。漢明戚。福克納。胡適。康明恩。現在輪到佛洛斯特。當一些靈魂如星般升起，森森然，各就各位，為我們織一幅怪冷的永 恆底圖案，一些軀體像經霜的楓葉，落了下來。人類的歷史就是這樣：一些軀體變成一些靈魂，一些靈魂變成一些名字。好幾克拉的射著青芒的名字。稱一稱人類的 歷史看，有沒有一斗名字？就這麼俯踐楓葉，仰望星座，我們愈來愈寂寞了。死亡你把這些不老的老頭子摘去做什麼？你把胡適摘去做什麼？你把佛洛斯特的銀髮摘 去做什麼？

見到滿頭銀髮的佛洛斯特，已是四年前的事了。在老詩人皚皚的記憶之中，想必早已沒有那位東方留學生的影子。可是四年來，那位東方青年幾乎每天都記掛著他。 他的名字，幾乎沒有間斷地出現在報上。他在美國總統的就職大典上朗誦 The Gift Outright (全心的贈與)；他在白宮的盛宴上與美麗的賈桂琳娓娓談心；他訪俄，他訪以色列。他在這些場合的照片，常出現在英文的刊物上。有一張照片—那是世界上僅有 的一張—在我書房的牆上俯視著我。哪，現在，當我寫悼念他的文章時，他正在望我。在我，這張照片已經變成辟邪的靈物了。

那是一九五九年。八十五歲的老詩人來我們的學校訪問。在那之前，佛洛斯特只是美國現代詩選上一個赫赫有聲的名字。四月十三號那天，那名字還原成了那人，還 原成一個微駝略禿但神采弈弈的老叟，還原成一座有彈性的花崗岩，一株仍然很帥的霜後的銀樺樹，還原成一種有幽默感的悲劇，一個沒忘記如何開玩笑的斯多伊 克。

那天我一共見到他三次。第一次是在下午，在愛奧華大學的一間小教室裏。我去遲了，只能見到他半側的背影。第二次是在當晚的朗誦會上，在擠滿了三千聽眾的大 廳上，隔了好幾十排的聽眾。第三次已經夜深，在安格爾教授的家中，我和他握了手，談了話，請他在詩集上簽了名，而且合照了一張像。猶記得，當時他雖然頗現 龍鍾之態，但顧盼之間，仍給人矍鑠之感，立談數小時，仍然注意集中。他在「佛洛斯特詩選」(The Poems of Robert Frost)的扉頁上為我題了如下的字句：For Yu Kwang-chung from Robert Frost with best wishes to Formosa, Iowa City, Iowa, U.S.A.1959.

寫到Formosa 時，老詩人的禿頭派克筆尖曾經懸空不動者片刻。他問我，「你們平常該用Formosa 或是Taiwan？」我說，「無所謂吧。」終於他用了前者。當時我曾拔出自己的鋼筆，遞向他手裏，準備經他用後，向朋友們說，曾經有「兩個大詩人」握過此 管，說「綵筆昔曾干氣象，白頭今望苦低垂。」可惜當時他堅持使用自己的一枝。後來他提起學生葉公超，我述及老師梁實秋，並將自己中譯的他的幾首詩送給他。

我的手頭一共有佛洛斯特四張照片，皆為私人所攝藏。現在，佛洛斯特巨大的背影既已融入歷史，這些照片更加可貴了。一張和我同攝，佛洛斯特展卷執筆而坐，銀 絲半垂，眼神幽淡，像一匹疲倦的大象，比他年輕半個世紀的中國留學生則侍立於後。一張是和我，菲律賓小說家桑多斯，日本女詩人長田好枝同攝；老詩人歪著領 帶，微側著頭，從懸岩般的深邃的上眼眶下向外矍然注視，像一頭不發脾氣的老龍，一張和安格爾教授及兩位美國同學合影，老詩人背窗而坐，看上去像童話中的精 靈，而且有點像桑德堡。最後的一張則是他演說時的特有姿態。

佛洛斯特在英美現代詩壇上的地位是非常特殊的。第一，他是現代詩中最美國的美國詩人。在這方面，唯一能和他競爭的，是桑德堡。桑德堡的詩生動多姿，富於音 響和色彩，不像佛洛斯特的詩那麼樸實而有韌性，冷靜，自然，剛毅之中帶有幽默感，平凡之中帶有奇異的成份。桑德堡的詩中伸展著浩闊的中西部，矗立著芝加 哥，佛洛斯特的詩中則是波士頓以北的新英格蘭。如果說，桑德堡是工業美國的代言人，則佛洛斯特應是農業美國的先知。佛洛斯特不僅是歌頌自然的田園詩人，他 甚至不承華茲華斯的遺風。他的田園風味只是一種障眼法，他的區域情調只是一塊踏腳石。他的詩「興於喜悅，終於智慧」。他敏於觀察自然，深諳田園生活，他的 詩乃往往以此開端，但在詩的過程中，不知不覺，行若無事地，觀察泯入沉思，寫實化為象徵，區域性的擴展為宇宙性的，個人的擴展為民族的，甚至人類的。所謂 「篇終接混茫」，正合佛洛斯特的藝術。

有人曾以佛洛斯特比惠特曼。在美國現代詩人之中，最能繼承惠特曼的思想與詩風者，恐怕還是桑德堡。無論在汪洋縱恣的自由詩體上，擁抱工業文明熱愛美國人民 的精神上，肯定人生的意義上，或是對林肯的崇仰上，桑德堡都是惠特曼的嫡系傳人。佛洛斯特則不盡然。他的詩體恆以傳統的形式為基礎，而衍變成極富彈性的新 形式。儘管他能寫很漂亮的「無韻體」(blank verse)或意大利式十四行(Italian sonnet)其結果絕非效顰或株守傳統，而是迴盪著現代人口語的節奏。然而佛洛斯特並不直接運用口語，他在節奏上要把握的是口語的腔調。在思想上，他既 不像那位遁世惟恐不遠的傑佛斯那麼否定大眾，也不像惠特曼那麼肯定大眾。他信仰民主與自由，但警覺到大眾的盲從與無知。往往，他甯可說否(nay)而不願 附和。他反對教條與專門化，他不喜歡工業社會，但是他知道反對現代文明之徒然。在一個混亂而虛無的時代，當大眾的讚美或非難太過份時，他甯可選擇一顆星的 獨立和寂靜。他總是站在旁邊，不，他總是站得高些，如梭羅。有人甚至說他是「新英格蘭的蘇格拉底」(Yankee Socrates)。

其次，在現代詩中，佛洛斯特是一個獨立的巨人。他沒有創立任何詩派。他沒有康明思或史蒂文斯(Wallace Stevens)那種追求新形式的興趣，沒有桑德堡或阿咪．羅蕙爾(Amy Lowell)那種反傳統的自信，沒有史班德或奧登那種左傾的時尚，更缺乏艾略特那種建立新創作論的野心，或是湯默斯(Dylan Thomas)那麼左右逢源的超現實的意象。然而在他的限度中，他創造了一種新節奏，以現代人的活語言底腔調為骨幹的新節奏。在放逐意義崇尚晦澀的現代詩 的氣候裡，他擁抱堅實和明朗。當絕大多數的現代詩人刻意表現內在的生活與靈魂的獨白時，他把敘事詩(narrative)和抒情詩寫得同樣出色，且發揮了 「戲劇性獨白」(dramatic monologue ) 的高度功能。

最後，就是由於佛洛斯特的詩從未像別的許多現代詩一樣，與自然或社會脫節，就是由於佛洛斯特的詩避免追逐都市生活的紛紜細節，避免自語而趨向對話，他幾乎 變成現代美國詩壇上惟一能藉寫詩維生的作者。雖然在民主的美國，沒有桂冠詩人的設置，但由於艾森豪聘他為國會圖書館的詩學顧問，甘迺迪請國會通過頒贈他一 塊獎章，他在實際上已是不冠的詩壇祭酒了。美國政府對他的景仰是一致的，而民間，大眾對他也極為愛戴。像九繆司的爸爸一樣，顫巍巍地，他被大學生，被青年 詩人們捧來捧去，在各大學間巡迴演說，朗誦，並討論詩的創作。一般現代詩人所有的孤僻，佛洛斯特是沒有的。佛洛斯特獨來獨往於歡呼的群眾之間，他獨立，但 不孤立。身受在朝者的禮遇和在野者的崇拜，佛洛斯特不是呼之即來揮之即去的御用文人，也不是媚世取寵的流行作家。美國朝野敬仰他，正因為他具有這種獨立的 敢言的精神。當他讚美時，他並不縱容；當他警告時，他並不冷竣。讀其詩，識其人，如攀雪峰，而發現峰頂也有春天。

在他生前，世界各地的敏感的心靈都愛他，談他。佛洛斯特已經是現代詩的一則神話。上次在馬尼拉，菲律賓小說家桑多斯還對我說：「還記得佛洛斯特嗎？他來我 們學校時，還跟我們一塊兒照相呢！」回到台北，在第一飯店十樓的漢宮花園中，美國作家史都華對中國的新詩人們說：「佛洛斯特是美國的大詩人，他將不朽！」

在可能是他最後的一首詩(一九六二年八月所作的那首 The Prophets Really Prophesy as Mystics/The Commentators Merely by Statistics)中，佛洛斯特曾說：人的長壽都是有限的，現代詩元老的佛洛斯特公公不過享了八八高齡，比狄興和蕭伯納畢竟還減幾歲。然而在詩人之 中，能像他那麼老當愈壯創作不衰的大詩人，實在寥寥可數。現在他死了，為他，我們覺得毫無遺憾。然而為了我們，他的死畢竟是自由世界的不幸。美國需要這麼 一位偉人，需要這麼一位為青年們所仰望的老人，正如一世紀前，她需要愛默森和林肯。高爾基論前輩托爾斯泰時，曾說：「一日能與此人生活在相同的地球上，我 就不是孤兒。」對於佛洛斯特，正如對於胡適，我們也有相同的感覺。(元月三十一日)

關於羅伯．佛洛斯特

出處：中華民國比較文學學會，文學與文化教學資料庫

以新英格蘭詩人著稱。他的詩結合其詩人/農夫與哲學家的特色：既清晰、簡單、自然，富哲理，又根著於新英格蘭的土地上，描繪自然與人的存在。

雖然佛洛斯特的詩名以及他自我認同的原鄉在東部新英格蘭，他卻是生長於西部太平洋岸的舊金山。一直到他11歲父親去世後，佛洛斯特與母親才遷往新英格蘭。寫詩對佛洛斯特來說，是一種「暫時阻擋混亂」("momentary stay against confusion")的藝術，並且可將其失序的現實生活，重新納入正軌。因此，佛洛斯特不僅帶給世人詩的全新風貌，並且藉著寫詩排解他的不安、焦慮與重整生命中的秩序，達到一種和諧的境地。

佛洛斯特出生於1874年3月26日。父親威廉．普里斯科特．佛洛斯特(William Prescott Frost Jr.)畢業於哈佛大學後，旋即進入賓州的一所學校任職，結識了同是教師的蘇格蘭裔的伊莎貝拉．苜狄(Isabella Moodie)，並娶她為妻。兩人婚後便遷居舊金山。父親雖轉業為報社記者與編輯期望增加家中收入，卻因酗酒問題嚴重影響健康，母親便肩負起家庭的重擔並在家中教導小佛洛斯特。伊莎貝拉並不要求佛洛斯特按照規定上學，而是順著他的個性，充分發展他獨立的人格，這卻也造成日後佛洛斯特個性孤癖、不安於工作，以及無法拿到學校文憑。

父親於1885年去世後，伊莎貝拉在其父的安排下，帶著佛洛斯特前往新英格蘭。1892年佛洛斯特畢業於勞倫斯高中，並且是當屆的學生詩人(Class Poet)以及致告別辭的代表。與其一起致告別辭的女同學，愛莉諾．梅麗安．懷特(Elinor Miriam White)，3年後成為佛洛斯特的妻子。佛洛斯特當時便立志成為一位詩人，並已發表他的第一首詩 "La Noche Triste"。1892年，祖父希望他從事律師工作，並安排進入達斯茅斯學院(Darmouth College)。由於個性使然，佛洛斯特放棄在達斯茅斯學院的課業，繼續詩歌創作。這段期間，他筆耕不綴，但作品不斷遭到退稿。直到20歲(1894)時，詩作〈我的蝴蝶：輓歌〉("My Butterfly, an Elegy")刊登於《紐約獨立報》(The New York Independent)，並得到一筆15元的稿費。自此，他深信寫詩可以維持生計。佛洛斯特為表慶祝，將他的詩作自費印刷成書，提名為《曦光》(Twilight)。他只印了2本，一本自己保留，另外一本獻給愛莉諾。由於她並不領情，佛洛斯特失望之餘便銷毀了其中一本。這個事件也預示了往後婚姻生活所帶來的衝突與張力。

佛洛斯特與愛琳諾於1895年結婚。這個婚姻卻帶給佛洛斯特極大的困擾，也影響了日後佛洛斯特詩中的主題與語調。愛琳諾孤僻、冷淡，佛洛斯特也日漸自我孤立，因此兩人的婚姻關係緊張，直到1938年愛琳諾去世。並且婚後，兩人皆任教職。佛洛斯特為了更進一步的教學，以特別生進入哈佛大學研習。在研習的2年間，佛洛斯特獲得古典語言的知識與威廉．詹姆士(William James)哲學的啟發。但一如往常，他放棄學位，離開學校，追尋成為詩人的道路。長子艾略特(Elliot)於1900年夭折，佛洛斯特夫妻兩人的關係更是雪上加霜。佛洛斯特的祖父便於新漢普郡的德瑞(Derry)買下一座農場，為的是讓夫婦倆忘記喪子之痛，並希望佛洛斯特能好好的工作照顧家庭。

德瑞農場的這段期間(1900-1909)可說是佛洛斯特一生中最富於創造力的時期。在農場，詩人直接接觸了新英格蘭的鄉野生活，這也提供他日後詩作中不斷出現的自然意象。但這段期間，佛洛斯特面臨親人死亡：母親、大兒子以及祖父於1900、1901年先後病逝。這些打擊使得詩人陷入低潮，重新思考生命以及自身存在的意義，並轉化心中的悲傷於詩的創作。如同他說的，以詩歌「暫時阻擋混亂」。詩作 "Home Burials"便是此時期為了悼念長子之死而作。

隨著日漸增加的子女，佛洛斯特家中的經濟負擔也日益沈重，再加上詩作不被賞識，不斷遭到退稿，佛洛斯特變賣農場後，便帶著一家前往英國，希望「繼續寫詩而不致因為貧窮使家庭蒙羞」("write and be poor without further scandal in the family")。停留英國的這段期間(1912-1915)，成為詩人佛洛斯特一生詩業中最重要的起點。1913年《男兒之志》(The Boy's Will)出版，詩人龐德(Ezra Pound)給予相當好評。這部詩集主要是詩人寫給妻子的情詩，但是詩中的主題卻充斥著對自然界中非人性的他者(nonhuman otherness)的恐懼與不確定感。1914年在龐德的幫助下，出版《波士頓以北》(North of Boston)。此詩集不但迅速走紅大西洋兩岸，並且成為佛洛斯特無韻詩(blank verse)詩藝的最佳代表。成名後，佛洛斯特將自己塑造成一位質樸、溫柔的新英格蘭莊園詩人，並以此形象穩固了他在美國文學史上獨特的地位。

成名之後的佛洛斯特，不斷受邀至各地演說、朗誦，接受許多大學的邀請擔任教職以及駐校詩人。此間他也出版了許多重要的詩集。1916年出版的《山窪》Mountain Interval收錄有著名的自傳體式的詩作〈未曾踏足之路〉("The Road Not Taken")等。而1923年出版的《詩選》(Selected Poems)與《新漢普郡》(New Hampshire)為他贏得生平四座普立茲獎中的第一座。這兩部詩集是由許多短詩集結而成，詩中結合戲劇性張力以及大自然意象中的矛盾來與人內在的陰暗面對話。而詩集當中一般讀者最耳熟能詳的就是〈雪夜林畔小駐〉("Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening")。本詩用語簡單，格律嚴謹，意境則深入淺出，狀似寫景，卻別有寓意。藉由描繪冬夜旅人駐足林畔，點出生命的選擇：抗拒死亡，完成未竟之業。

佛洛斯特生命中的打擊再次降臨，他必須再次面對親人摯愛的死與別離：他最鍾愛的女兒馬嘉烈(Marjorie)死於1934年，妻子愛莉諾病逝於1938年，臨終之時還拒絕佛洛斯特進入病房。兒子卡羅(Carol)於1940年自殺身亡。這一連串的打擊，幾乎使得詩人有尋死的念頭，「但我還要守一些諾言，/ 還要趕多少路才安眠，/ 還要趕多少路才安眠」。詩作《見證樹》(A Witness Three)見證詩人走過生命低潮，佛洛斯特並將此詩集獻給幫助他走過人生低潮的凱薩林．莫理森(Kathleen Morrison)。而這段時間，詩人獲頒3 座普立茲獎，接受許多榮銜。生命最後的二十年裡，佛洛斯特身為詩人與老師，巡迴各大學院校，演講朗誦，並筆耕不綴，在他已高齡89歲時，還出版詩集In the Clearing。佛洛斯特於1961年甘乃迪總統的就職典禮上，獲邀朗誦其詩作〈全心的奉獻〉("The Gift Outright")，成為詩人一生中最為榮耀的時刻。1963年1月29日佛洛斯特於麻州的波士頓與世長辭。

佛洛斯特對現代詩的貢獻，如同他在〈未曾踏足之路〉中所描述的，在於他選擇了抗拒自由詩體(free verse)的潮流，探索結合詩體與新藝術形式的可能性：無韻詩體(blank verse)。詩人自由運用傳統的抑揚格韻律結合日常生活話語的自然韻律感，創造了一種具戲劇張力，宛若口語，卻深具哲理節奏的詩的語言。使用傳統的形式就如同老店重新開張，尊傳統詩體為詩的精髓，但另一方面，佛洛斯特保留了自由詩體的自由與自然，如同「打一場沒有網子的網球賽」。對佛洛斯特而言，一首好詩應該「始於喜悅，止於智慧」，因此詩的語言可以將混亂的現實轉化為秩序。新英格蘭田園詩人佛洛斯特選擇了一條較少人走的路，最終卻實現了自我期待，化解生命中的不安與矛盾。

傾聽你的心跟直覺，找到所愛

（蘋果電腦、皮克斯動畫創辦人、執行長史帝夫．賈伯斯 Steve Jobs ，2005年6月12日對美國史丹福大學畢業生演講全文。）

今天我非常榮幸，來到世界上最好的大學之一。我自己沒有從大學畢業，現在可以說是我最接近大學畢業典禮的時候。我想跟各位分享我人生的3個故事，沒有特別的大道理，就是3個故事。　第1個故事，是關於很多點滴的串連。

　我在里德學院（Reed College）只待了6個月就休學了，到我退學前，我整整休學了18個月。為什麼我要休學？　故事得從我出生前開始。因為我的生母是個年輕的研究生未婚媽媽，她決定找人收養我。她很希望收養我的人也是研究所學歷，所以她把每件事安排好，讓我被一對律師夫婦收養。

　沒想到等我出生，他們在最後一刻反悔了，說他們想要一個女孩。所以我那還在等候名單上的爸媽（指現在的養父母），半夜接到一通電話，問他們：「我們現在有個意外出生的小男嬰，你要收養他嗎？」「當然，」他們毫不猶豫地答應了。但是我生母後來才發現，不但我母親沒有大學畢業，我父親連高中都沒畢業。結果她拒絕簽署收養文件，一直到幾個月後，我的養父母保證讓我上大學，她的態度才軟化。
用回顧串連點滴

　 17年後，我真的上大學了。可是我天真地選了一所幾乎跟史丹福一樣貴的大學，我那不過是工人階級的養父母，把積蓄幾乎都花在我的大學學費上。念了6個月，我看不出價值所在。我不知道我的人生要做什麼，也不知道學校能幫上什麼忙，我只會把父母畢生的積蓄花光，所以我決定退學，相信事情總會O.K.。當時我是滿驚慌的，但是回想起來，這是我所做過最棒的決定。我退學的那一刻，等於停掉了我沒興趣的那些必修課，把時間投入那些我有興趣的科目。

　當然也不是全然那麼浪漫。我沒有宿舍，所以我睡在朋友房間的地板上。我用可樂瓶退瓶拿到的5分錢買食物，每個星期日晚上走7英哩路，穿越整個鎮，只為了到Hare Krishna神廟好好吃頓飯。我愛去那裡吃飯。順著我的好奇心與直覺，那些讓我佇足、蹣跚而行的事物，後來都變成無價珍寶，譬如：　里德大學有當時可能是全國最棒的書法指導。

　校園裡每張海報、每個抽屜的標籤，都有漂亮的手寫書法。因為我退學了，不用上正常的課程，我決定去修書法課。我學會serif與san serif兩種字體，學會在不同的字母組合間變換間距，學會活版印刷偉大之處。那是一種科學無法捕捉的美、歷史感與細緻的藝術，我覺得它很迷人。

　我沒預期這些東西會對實際生活帶來什麼具體的作用。但是10年後，當我們設計第一部麥金塔電腦時，它又浮現在我心中。我們把這些想法都設計進麥金塔裡，它也是第一部有著優美字體的電腦。如果我沒有投入研究這門課，麥金塔電腦就不會有那麼多不同的字體或各種不同的間距。又因為微軟的作業系統抄襲了麥金塔，如果當時我沒做，可能所有個人電腦都不會有。如果我沒有退學，我就不會著迷於書法課，個人電腦就不會有今天各種優美的字體。當然我在念大學時，無法預見如何將這些點滴聯繫在一起，但是10年後再回顧，真的就非常、非常清楚。

　再一次：你沒辦法預見這些點滴如何聯繫，唯有透過回顧，可以看出彼此關聯。所以你必須相信，無論如何，這些點滴會在未來互相連結，有些東西你必須相信，像你的直覺、天命、人生、因果，諸如此類種種。這樣的想法讓我永遠不沮喪灰心，也的確塑造了我人生中所有的不同。　我的第2個故事是關於愛與失去。
找到你的所愛

　我很幸運嗎？我很早就發現我 喜歡做什麼。20歲時，我跟Steve Wozniak在爸媽的車庫裡成立蘋果電腦。我們非常努力，10年後，蘋果從車庫裡的我們兩個人，變成一家營收20億美元、員工超過4,000人的公司。前一年，我們才剛推出最棒的作品——麥金塔電腦，而我剛過30歲，然後我被公司炒魷魚。怎麼被你自己創辦的公司炒魷魚呢？嗯……隨著蘋果成長，我找了一個很有能力的人跟我一起經營公司，一開始很順遂，但是後來，我們對未來的願景逐漸分歧，最後只好拆夥。董事會決定站在他那邊，所以30歲時，我出局了，而且是公開出局。曾經是我人生所有重心的一切都沒了，我幾乎被擊倒。

　有幾個月，我不知道做什麼好。我覺得我讓企業家的前輩們失望了，我丟掉了交付在我手中的權杖。我跟David Packard（惠普科技創辦人之一）與Bob Noyce（英特爾創辦人之一）碰面，向他們道歉，我把事情搞砸了。我是一個公開的失敗案例，所以我幾乎想逃離矽谷。然而我慢慢領悟，我仍然喜歡我本來做的事，我在蘋果發生的轉折，一點都沒有改變這一點，我被否定了，但我仍然有熱情，我決定從頭開始。
被蘋果炒魷魚是人生中最棒的遭遇

　當時我沒有察覺，不過後來被蘋果炒魷魚變成我人生中最棒的遭遇。成功的壓力重新被創業的輕鬆取代，每件事都少一點確定，讓我進入人生中最有創意的階段。

　接下來5年，我又成立一家NeXT公司、一家皮克斯（Pixar）公司，還有跟一位很有魅力的女性談戀愛，後來她變成我的太太。皮克斯創作出世界第一部全電腦動畫電影《玩具總動員》，目前仍是世界最成功的動畫公司。值得一提的是，蘋果後來買下了NeXT，我重新回到蘋果，而我在NeXT發展的技術，成為蘋果後來復興的核心，我跟Laurene也有了幸福的家庭。

　如果我沒被蘋果開除，我滿確定這一切都不會發生。它像是很苦的試藥，但是我想病人需要它。有時候，老天會拿磚塊打你的頭，但不要失去信心。我很確信，能讓我繼續走下去的唯一理由，就是我愛我所做的事。所以你必須找到你的所愛，不管是對工作、對愛情都一樣。

　你的工作會填滿你一大塊人生，唯一能真正滿足的方法，就是去做你認為偉大的事情。要做出偉大的事，唯一方法就是做你愛做的事。如果你還沒發現這是什麼，繼續觀察，不要停止。用你全心的力量，找到時，你就會知道。就像所有偉大的關係，隨時間展延，事情只會愈來愈好，所以繼續找，直到找到，不要停頓。
常保飢渴求知，常存虛懷若愚

　我的第3個故事，是關於死亡。　17歲時，我讀過一句話：「把每天都當成人生中最後一天來過，你就會很自在。」它讓我印象深刻，從那以後的33年中，每天早晨，我都會對著鏡子中的自己問：「如果今天是我人生中的最後一天，我應該做些什麼？」如果太多天的答案都是「沒有」，我知道我就應該做些改變了。

　提醒自己，我快死了，是幫助我做人生重大抉擇時最重要的工具。因為每件事，包括別人的期待、榮耀、恐懼、或失敗，在面對死亡時都會消散，只剩下真正重要的東西。提醒自己你快死了，是最好的方法，避免你掉進患得患失的陷阱。你本來就一無所有，沒什麼理由不順心而為。

　 1年前，我被診斷出得了癌症。早上7點半，我被送去掃描，很清楚的看到胰臟上有腫瘤。那時候我甚至不知道胰臟是什麼器官。醫生告訴我，這幾乎是無藥可救的癌症，我應該活不過3到6個月。醫生建議我回家，安排後事，就是典型醫生對末期病人會說的話。這表示你要在幾個月內，對孩子說完本來是未來10年要對他們說的話；這也表示你要把每件事安排好，家人才會比較輕鬆，這更表示你要開始說再見。

　我想了這個診斷結果一整天。傍晚時，我被帶去做切片，他們把內視鏡從我喉嚨伸進去，穿過我的胃，進入腸子，把針刺進胰臟，取得一些腫瘤細胞。我打了鎮定劑，不知道發生什麼事，但是我太太在場，她後來告訴我，當他們在顯微鏡下看見細胞時，醫生們都脫口而出驚呼，因為這是一種很少見、可以用手術治癒的胰臟癌，後來我接受手術，現在沒事了。

　這是我最接近死亡的時刻，我希望這也是未來幾十年中，我最接近的時刻。有了這次經驗，比起從前死亡只是一個有用但抽象的概念，我可以更確定的對你們說：　沒有人想死。即使那些想上天堂的人，都希望能活著去。但死亡是我們每個人都要面對的終點，沒有人能逃過。事實上也理當如此，因為死亡可能是生命最棒的發明，它是生命變化的發動機。它帶走舊的，讓新的有空間。現在你們是新的，但沒有多久，你們會慢慢變成舊的，然後被清掉。抱歉我說得這麼戲劇化，但這是真的。

　你們的時間有限，所以不要浪費，活在別人的人生裡。不要被教條困住，活在別人思考的結果裡。不要讓別人給的雜音淹沒了你內在的聲音，最重要的是，有勇氣去追隨你的真心與直覺。它們常常最知道你想做什麼。其他的都是其次。

　當我還年輕，有一本很棒的刊物叫做《The Whole Earth Catalog》，是我這一代的聖經。創辦人叫史都華（Stewart Brand），住在這附近。他辦這本雜誌很有詩意，在1960年代末，在個人電腦與桌上型出版發明前，所有內容都是用打字機、剪刀、拍立得相機做出來的。它的內容就像把今天的Google印在紙上，在Google出現的35年前，它很理想化、充滿了很棒的工具跟概念。

　史都華跟他的團隊出版了幾期後，出了停刊號。那是在1970年代中期，我跟你們現在一樣大的時候。在停刊號的封底，有一張清晨鄉間小路的照片，那種如果你很愛冒險，你會去健行搭便車的小路。照片底下有一行字：常保飢渴求知，常存虛懷若愚（Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish ）。這是他們簽下的告別註腳，這也是我對自己的期許。現在當你們畢業，走上全新的道路，我也以此做為對你們的祝福。　常保飢渴求知，常存虛懷若愚。　謝謝大家。

（http://www.cheers.com.tw/doc/print.jspx?id=402881e8134e403a01134e4eeb700b67）

You've got to find what you love (Steve Jobs)

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

(http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html)

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Video of Steve Jobs' Commencement Address

孩子，你是我的眼！(彭菊仙)

出處：聯合電子報‧健康醫藥專欄2009/01/10
原出處：文、圖／摘自《教養好好玩》／彭菊仙著／野人文化出版

蒙特梭利是舉世聞名的幼教專家，她研究發現，無論哪一個孩子，只要達到某一個階段，就必定會主動專注於某活動，稱作「敏感期」。

這個理論帶給我極大的震撼，深深烙印在我心中，成為我教育孩子的強烈動能。但是對一個新手媽媽而言，我無法確定「敏感期」的真實性，也無法了解它的發展過程，心中存有許多疑惑，不過這的確是一個讓我躍躍欲試的新題材！才踏上媽媽之路，就與大師的理論巧遇，真是我和孩子一生中最幸運的事情。我好像就要執行一場長程的實驗，思緒像澎湃的浪潮，眼睛發亮，期待親眼目睹孩子們一次又一次進入不同的「敏感期」，我希望從孩子身上得到印證。

孩子重新開啟我的耳目，讓我尋回欣賞力、好奇心與探索力

雖然所學不是幼教專業，但因為深深被蒙特梭利的理論所吸引，所以我期許自己，要盡可能為孩子準備一個豐富的探索環境，並給予孩子更多的自由，挪開不必要的限制，讓他們依循自己的「敏感期」，全身投入自發的活動之中。

我在一旁觀察、引導，努力提醒自己見機行動，不要打草驚蛇，依著他們每個「敏感期」的發展程度，隨時調整環境，補充適合他們的材料、教具或深入的資訊。我感受到孩子發展的神奇力量，只要是自發性的，那種勇往直前的強大能量，像排山倒海，真的是擋不了。

就這樣，從老大兩、三歲開始，我跟隨孩子的步伐，研究九大行星、花朵的構造、馬桶的種類、人體的構造、台灣地圖、世界地圖、各種樂器、交通號誌、踢踏舞、輪船、火車……孩子上山下海，我領著孩子上山下海；孩子天馬行空，我追著他們天馬行空。孩子每天都帶給我許多意想不到的驚喜，重新開啟我的耳目，幫我尋回欣賞力，好奇心與探索力，能時時刻刻跟隨他們的腳步，經歷一次又一次高潮迭起的「敏感期」。

每一個孩子都讓我增加一雙耳目，三個孩子加上我自己，八眼八耳，就能眼觀四面，耳聽八方。我感謝孩子給我一個重生的機會，不論我在孩提時代有沒有錯過每一個「敏感期」，但至少我現在可以抓緊機會，跟隨孩子的步伐，再次用純摯的熱情造訪這個大千世界。

孩子每日向媽媽發出數不清的「為什麼」，我們怎能不裝備自己，引領他們走進全世界？所以「在孩子眼中，我們真的就是全世界！」不要再嘆氣：「好慘！好累啊！」應該大聲歡呼：「好神奇！好驕傲！」

如果媽媽都能仔細對待孩子的「為什麼」，每個孩子都可能是大師

翔翔兩、三歲時，迷上「馬桶」，每次到別人家作客，首先先衝進浴室，但絕不是因為尿急，而是要觀察馬桶。

我的同學問，你兒子在看什麼？翔翔從廁所出來之後說：「馬麻，有兩個洞，沒有聲音！」

「什麼意思？」同學不解童言童語。

「他是說你家馬桶排水的地方有兩個洞，沒有聲音，是靜音馬桶。」

「那翔翔我問你，一個洞的馬桶有沒有聲音？」我的老同學問。

「一個洞，很大聲，我們家一個洞！」翔翔語出驚人。原來翔翔已經自己歸納出｢靜音馬桶｣和｢非靜音馬桶｣的區別。

一群尚未當媽媽的老友說，妳的孩子真特別。我回答：｢其實每個孩子都有特別的地方！｣每個孩子都愛觀察，都愛問為什麼，不是我的孩子特別聰明。如果媽媽都能仔細對待孩子的為什麼，可能每個孩子都有大師級的表現。

「我覺得媽媽真的很像是導遊，孩子真的非常像是從外太空來的外星人，對地球上的每一件事物都充滿好奇，每一件事情對他們來說都好有趣！」我和老同學們分享。是的，是孩子驅使我必須用敬業的態度為他們導覽！在那一刻，我看到幾位口口聲聲強調絕不生孩子的老同學心動的眼神。

孩子正是上天給我們最明亮的一面鏡子。這也是我鼓勵人們都要經歷生養孩子歷程的原因，因為孩子渾身都有啟示，一旦喜歡一樣東西，就能全心全意，整身投入，傾全力聽、傾全力做，樂在其中而不厭其煩，專注的程度不是大人可以比擬的，這就是孩子綻放的生命力，原汁原味！

帶孩子好好玩：抓狂媽媽的自省（彭菊仙）

出處：聯合電子報‧健康醫藥專欄2009/01/10
原出處：文、圖／摘自《教養好好玩》／彭菊仙著／野人文化出版

抓狂媽媽的自省

每位專家都不厭其煩地告訴我們，千萬不要情緒化地罵孩子；專家也不斷耳提面命，責罵孩子的時候不要做人身攻擊，不要拿孩子和別人比，不要貶低孩子的人格與能力，不要傷害孩子的自尊和自信……在理性的時候，這些道理媽媽們都懂，誰願意發那傷身、傷神、更傷感情的脾氣呢？

但是怒火爆發、失去理性時，平日掛在嘴邊的道理全都拋諸腦後了! 因此我深深覺得，在情緒幾近崩盤時，如能掌握懸崖勒馬的技巧，才有進一步實踐以上那些大道理的可能！

我真的必須停止動手或拿棍子體罰孩子！甚至也不能再像瘋狗一樣，大聲咆哮謾罵。我必須不斷警惕自己、壓抑自己的衝動，並且變成一種教養孩子的習慣。而真的，我發現孩子們的個性改變了，互動方式改變了，孩子難免為了爭奪玩具而吵鬧，但出乎我意料之外的是，更多時候，我看到哥哥教導弟弟許多我教過他的東西，如乖乖吃飯、喝水要拿好杯杯不滴出來；教弟弟顏色、形狀、數字，念唐詩、英文單字、九大行星、雄蕊雌蕊……甚至邀弟弟一起收拾玩具。我在一旁欣賞著哥哥循循善誘的態度，說真的，每天都有好多的感動！以下和大家分享我個人領悟到的情緒控制方法！

．「深呼吸」：一個深呼吸不夠，還可以多作幾個深呼吸，如果靜不下來，做第二個動作。

． 「閉眼睛」：除了避免因為混亂場面的視覺刺激而怒從中來之外，閉眼睛的同時，也可立刻想想該如何處理混亂的局面，該對孩子說什麼話及怎麼對他們說話。例如孩子把湯打翻了，滿地溼黏，如果將焦點放在那一團湯汁上，一定會忍不住立刻對孩子吼叫：哎呀！看看你做的好事！再想到一連串繁瑣的清理工作，搞不好就是兩巴掌下去。如果此時避免看到那團黏糊糊的東西，避免看到粗心孩子的臉孔，雙眼一閉，真的會平靜很多，而且在心中自然能想出對策；再張開眼時，可能就能平靜地請孩子為自己的粗心負責，堅定但和緩地請他自行清理。

現在我的孩子犯錯時，如果看到我閉上眼睛，就會顯得相當羞愧，自己主動善後！其實每個孩子都很愛父母，所以很怕看到父母傷心，因此當孩子看到父母閉眼睛的神情時，已經開始深自反省了!

．「馬上告訴自己：他還是個孩子！」：學齡前的孩子控制自己的能力真的還不是很好，不論是自我身體的控制或自我欲望的控制都一樣，所以常常打翻東西、踢壞東西；喜歡和別人搶玩具，或吵著一定要吃什麼、買什麼、玩什麼，否則就立刻發飆讓妳看。他們對社會常規也還在懵懂摸索的階段，所以並不清楚各種場合的合宜舉止為何，這是一段漫長的社會化過程，需要不斷被提醒，甚至在得到負面回饋的經驗後都還需要被提醒，尤其是小男生通常更為晚熟。

我們做父母的認知這點之後，就耐心地不斷提醒孩子吧！站在與孩子齊平的角度來看待他們，真的會發現很多事情他們做起來相當吃力。當孩子犯錯時，馬上在心裡說這句話：他畢竟還是個孩子啊！包容之心便油然而生。

．「請他自己處罰自己」：如果真的按耐不住想揍孩子的衝動，我曾嘗試請他自己處罰自己，譬如說，吃飯時一直用腳踢桌子，雙手一直玩弄餐具，屢勸不聽，真是令人氣急敗壞，忍不住想拿出棍子揍他幾下，除了要嚇阻他，更想要發洩自己的怒氣！說真的，現在還是會對此類的事情生氣，好幾次差點揍下去。

有次在瀕臨失控之時，我突然從嘴邊冒出：「請你用手處罰自己踢東西的那隻腳，請你管好自己的腳！」我發現此舉之後，原本想給他顏色瞧瞧的怒氣也得以發洩，避免亂打一通！當然此法並非上策，因為仍舊是以暴力來解決事情，只是人非聖賢，總有抑制不了的情緒，如果真的沒辦法，我覺得此法至少可以避免父母因施力不當而釀成不可收拾的後果。

．「立刻走開，交給爸爸處理吧！」：如果爸爸剛好在一旁，在情緒的引爆點上，就趕快逃之夭夭吧！尤其自認是衝動野獸派那一型的，平日就應該和另一半達成共識，在妳瀕臨失控卻又欲走還吼之時，要另一半立刻站出來說：交給我來處理吧！並要他提醒妳趕快離開，別再河東獅吼了！男性通常比較穩定沉著，而媽媽常會婆婆媽媽講很多話，愈講就愈氣，新仇舊帳統統翻出來，終至一發不可收拾！

．「舒緩經前症候群」：過去聊起媽媽經時，我常和別人澄清，其實我也不常體罰孩子啊！大概一個月會有那麼一次吧！是的，一個月一次喪心病狂！後來我發現好像都是在生理期之前一、兩天，也就是所謂的經前症候群。這種現象連另一半都發現了，因此只要看到我不太對勁，就會揶揄我是不是快來了！我發現真的事前能做一番食物調理，的確能改善生理的不適而舒緩經前症候群。而平日也應注意別太操勞，因為身體不適絕對不會對孩子太有耐心的，很多情緒失控的時機都發生在身體過度疲勞之時。

．「時時學習慢慢說話」：如果不會溫柔說話，也要慢慢地說，妳會發現說話慢，脾氣就發得慢些。因為說話像連珠砲，一定是不假思索、口無遮攔，讓情緒主宰唇舌，許多傷人的話脫口而出；慢慢說話，讓話語在思考與唇舌間還有琢磨的空間，就能讓理性主宰唇舌，收放自如！平日能夠放慢速度說話，才能進一步注意自己的聲調是否溫柔優雅。優雅媽媽散發的溫柔能量，絕對會在潛移默化間改造孩子，甚至改造一家子的氛圍。

記得有一次翔翔的大腿被我揍得紅一條、紫一條，事發之後我真是後悔莫及，不斷掀開短褲看看那層可憐的肉皮。天啊！別人一定以為我是個虐待孩子的壞母親！真是冤枉啊！但是很多虐兒悲劇的發生，並不是父母不愛自己的孩子，而是因為在節骨眼上無法有效自我控制，讓怒火愈燒愈旺，終至一發不可收拾！最恐怖的是，暴戾之氣已不知不覺注入孩子的幼小心靈中。